haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
