it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
