I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
