Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
