Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
