Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She told me I should be a condom model.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
