oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You are the jesus of drinking
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
