he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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