the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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