I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
