Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
