I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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