i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
