Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
