the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
