saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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