it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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