Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
