I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
