hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
