You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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