I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
