i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize