please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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