They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
