as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
