why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
