i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
