At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This is classic penis vs brain.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
