She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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