I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
