I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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