I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
