i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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