if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
