I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
operation harelip BJ is a go
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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