ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize