God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
