My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
