I got chris browned last night
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
