So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize