Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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