Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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