I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
They took my balls.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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