she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm both gender and math confused
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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