idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
