i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
