hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
