Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
