If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have fence marks all over my body
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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