On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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