My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
