I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
