my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
