Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize