call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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