I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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