I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
