I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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