i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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