girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
