after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
