So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
