remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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