I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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