Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
