so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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