After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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