I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
