I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
