He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
