He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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