My balls are so social today.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
