Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
