yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
