I just made out with a guy for $7.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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