Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Randomize
