May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
