Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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