If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
