OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
