imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
