remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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