I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
