just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize