apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
