Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
