And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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