3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
