I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
