i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Even my vagina gasped.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
