Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
