I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize