Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
