I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
