it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
