using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He passed out mid-signature
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
