It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
