Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
