Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
