people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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