sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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