): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
