i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
